Posted August 9th, 2009 by lobsterjoke
Here are the famous jokes. Read them, enjoy them, and add your own!

Where does a lobster keep his clothes?
In the clawset!
But why is he afraid to go in there to get them?
Because he’s clawstrophobic!
Why doesn’t a lobster like to golf?
Because he’s afraid of sand traps!
Why did the lobster think it was so funny to be eaten?
Not sure, it just cracks him up!
What was the score of the lobster soccer game?
0-0. They can’t even kick the ball.
How did the lobster get to be the CEO of a company?
He just clawed his way to the top!
How did the lobster feel after he was eaten?
Like a shell of his former self!
Why don’t lobsters like to play basketball?
They don’t have the strength, height, or dexterity to get the ball in the hoop. They can’t even dribble.
Who gives out presents to lobsters on Christmas?
Santa Claws!
Who gives lobsters presents on Hanukkah?
Are they Jewish?
Why did everyone like the lobster more after he was eaten?
He just came out of his shell!
Lobster walks into a bar…
Bartender says, why the beady eyes?
What’s a lobster’s favorite TV show?
Claw and Order!
Why doesn’t a lobster like the drive-thru?
He can’t drive a car, roll down the windows, talk into the speaker, read the menu, or even decide on a human meal. Even if he did all that, he couldn’t drive to the other window, pay, eat the food, or drive away.
Also, he probably doesn’t know how to use a straw or enjoy soft drinks.
Why doesn’t the lobster like to share with his friends?
Because he’s shellfish!

How long does it take a lobster to run a marathon?
A shell of a long time!
What’s redder than a lobster with a sunburn?
An embarrassed lobster with a sunburn!
What song do lobsters sing to their kids?
Roe, Roe, Roe your boat…

Why did the lobster do so well at craps?
He was on a roll!
What did the lobster say to the lobster after they ate all the fish heads?
Well that was good. Now how do we get out of this thing?

What happened to the lobster when it got itself into hot water?
It turned bright red!

What’s the worst part of a lobster’s life?
Boiling alive.

What did the lobster say to it’s obnoxious kid?
I roe the day you were born!
What are lobstermen catching in the far east?
Crust-Asians!

7 Responses to “Jokes”

  1. Big Dilly says:

    Why couldn’t the lobster listen to the radio?

    It’s antenna was broken!

  2. Holly Hess says:

    Why did the lobster take such a liking to the chef?
    The chef just knew how to butter him up.

  3. Nathan Lindsay-Levine says:

    Why do lobsters make inferior butlers?
    Because monkeys are hilarious.

  4. John Swain says:

    What’s a lobster’s favorite piece of work by R. Kelly?

    TRAPPED in the CLAWset!

  5. John Swain says:

    Why don’t lobster prisons have walls, guards or doors?

    There’s no need because they can’t find a way out of their cell anyway.

  6. John Swain says:

    What did the lobster say to the mermaid?

    Nothing, lobsters can’t talk.

  7. Henry Hess says:

    why do lobsters make bad business men?
    They are always in the Red

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